tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5462614857930527130.post1377501952610829733..comments2012-08-07T20:11:53.664-07:00Comments on Schrodinger's Peepshow: Day One: The Discovery (Part 2)phoenixkiss29@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08635376304226520179noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5462614857930527130.post-69064001762803506392010-09-10T13:05:29.700-07:002010-09-10T13:05:29.700-07:00I'll leave off the nitpicking as it's been...I'll leave off the nitpicking as it's been thoroughly covered above. <br /><br />I like the casual inclusion of the Botticelli Virus. It piques my curiosity for the back story.<br /><br />Now I'll just patiently wait to find out why the exploding meteor now seems to decompose metal. Get writing! :)J. A. Platthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03579737369756389484noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5462614857930527130.post-34973906513821621452010-09-10T10:47:00.050-07:002010-09-10T10:47:00.050-07:00"as people use to think" = "used&qu..."as people use to think" = "used"<br />"Autopsies use to be" = also "used"<br />"Lester’s head, Lisith." = Liseth?<br />"Black suit.Extremely expensive" spaaaace<br />"with not effect" = "no" effect<br />"same rubber that was put through" you can drop "that was" and use a comma instead, less confusing.<br />"Open the casket, Lisith" moar Liseth plz<br />"he has no idea" = "had" no idea<br />"Being sandwiched between Dr. Kelly and Dr. Allero, none of us could figure it out." = who or what is sandwiched between the doctors? If it's them, you can just say "Sandwiched between" and if it's the container then you should specify.<br />"Lisith" is it Lisith or Liseth?<br />"had placed forceps" I think "the forceps" works better<br />"that use to occupy" = "used to"<br /><br />Aside from the nitpickery, I like the sense of danger here. Nobody knows what it is, that's awesome. I'm digging this series so far and definitely looking forward to more chapters. Bring the Mars drama!alphabetehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17305229870777987796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5462614857930527130.post-20039112692507328712010-09-10T08:39:09.940-07:002010-09-10T08:39:09.940-07:00I like the story so far and am interested in seein...I like the story so far and am interested in seeing where you are going with this. <br />The second half (which you mentioned) has a few grammatical errors (tenses, spelling) starting with the paragraph about the SASP.<br /><br />Good tale, look forward to reading more.Jonathan Martinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14841202262555830312noreply@blogger.com