tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5462614857930527130.post7918932751281598360..comments2012-08-07T20:11:53.664-07:00Comments on Schrodinger's Peepshow: Badge of Secrecyphoenixkiss29@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08635376304226520179noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5462614857930527130.post-70648826452087260212010-08-02T15:22:01.217-07:002010-08-02T15:22:01.217-07:00i will ignore the grammar as it has been mentioned...i will ignore the grammar as it has been mentioned, and the beta reader idea is a great one. <br />I also like how the characters are developing, but you can walk a fine line the more characters you add of creating a well developed community, as this seems to be, and confusing the reader, trying to remember who's who. So far you are doing great though. <br /><br />Finally, while I agree with J. A. Platt in telling you to write more, make the time to do it without the deadline. Sit down on a Saturday (or whatever your schedule permits) and knock out as much as you can, don't force it, but write. Create a buffer so you don't feel you have to write until 2 AM (unless you like to).Jonathan Martinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14841202262555830312noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5462614857930527130.post-2495066332817923722010-08-02T13:46:03.246-07:002010-08-02T13:46:03.246-07:00This makes me want to know more about the power st...This makes me want to know more about the power structure and how they got into power in the first place! I also like that the girls are conflicted. They've gone from a two dimensional menace to more nuanced characters in the last few chapters.<br /><br />As for the grammar, I'd try reading the story aloud (that's how I do a lot of editing) and maybe a beta reader.<br /><br />Now go write more!<br /><br />Ahem...please.J. A. Platthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03579737369756389484noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5462614857930527130.post-17647679929088134272010-08-02T06:08:19.272-07:002010-08-02T06:08:19.272-07:00I also noticed some messy grammar but I was into t...I also noticed some messy grammar but I was into this. The way you built up to it and described each girl's feelings was smooth. It felt a little sudden when Danni did her needle stab, I guess I figured she might have fumbled or something that nobody would have noticed. I am now crazy curious to see just what will happen to Danni.alphabetehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17305229870777987796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5462614857930527130.post-80284715945197739312010-07-29T14:35:04.059-07:002010-07-29T14:35:04.059-07:00This might be the best so far! I think it's re...This might be the best so far! I think it's really impressive how you've brought this story from something sort of campy and funny into this sort of oddly believable world, with the characters in whom I have a strange emotional investment. There are moments when your sentences get a little grammatically messy, but I think that's just what happens whenever someone is writing at 2 AM. :P That being said, I like seeing how your writing (which was strong to begin with) has developed with the stories themselves. I can't wait to read what happens next.Mkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02139546710353791339noreply@blogger.com